Why people get married for the wrong reasons
Every weekend is always locked up with wedding ceremonies. It took me time to know the difference between wedding and marriage while growing up, I used to think it meant the same. Am sure someone out there doesn’t know too.
Wedding is a one day event to tie the marriage knots. Marriage is forever, like for real, its forever till death do apart (in the olden days though). These days, divorce is more celebrated than marriage. Hardly do we see the media talk about 25years in marriage and the likes but they are quick to mention and celebrate divorce.
By the way, People get married for wrong reasons and are soon out of it in minutes. People tend to like themselves so much and the next thing, they are marking the wedding date and preparing for bridal showers. We shall highlight some of the reasons why people get married for the wrong reasons below:
1. Financial security
In this age, it’s not just the ladies that are outsourcing for guys loaded pocket; guys are also in for it now.
I remember a lady who got married to a man because he was very rich but that was not the end of her escapades with men. She just wanted to secure her future in his arms since he had houses, cars, businesses that would favor her too. I also know of someone who is still searching for the richest man so as to take care of all her family members. She is still on the search though. Some men are also in search of rich women or girls from wealthy home that can secure their future. That’s just laziness for the man. What happened to your own future? Nothing is wrong in marrying a woman that is richer but everything is wrong if that’s why you are getting married to her. Money is not the best reason to get married. Money can fly away at any time. So what if he or she loses her job or business collapses?
2. Sexual appetite
Marriage doesn’t change a man or woman with a high level of libido; we must learn to control our sexual appetite while single, thereby protecting our interest in marriage. Sex is not a reason to get married. If you are keeping yourself, that doesn’t mean you should rush into marriage to taste the pleasure in it at the slightest chance. A guy once told me that he likes sex so much that even after getting married, he would still have girlfriends, that he doesn’t even want to stress his wife but will stress the ladies outside. What an excuse! That just means marriage cannot quench his thirst for more sex. Control your body now, so you can control it during marriage at the absence of your spouse. What if your partner travels for a weekend?
3. To Please Parents
Just because your parents approve of your relationship doesn’t mean you are the perfect match and the fact that they don’t approve doesn’t mean you can’t be together (if their reasons are on selfish facts). Your parents won’t be in the marriage, they would only celebrate the wedding. Tade confessed that Ayo’s mother likes her so much but she doesn’t feel comfortable with him because he physically abuses her and she can’t tell the mother because she won’t believe. So what happens when they get married?
4. Prophet/Pastor Utterances
Even if your pastor agrees to your relationship, you still need a thorough check up on yourselves. Pastors are humans and can speak from their mind, that doesn’t approve of your happiness in that marriage. It is even wrong to visit your prophet with 3 names of a guy/lady. Marriage is a personal decision and you can get counsel from God directly. A lady was asked to present names to her pastor and she was confused because she didn’t have any other person aside her fiancé. Her father wasn’t in support of her fiancé and wanted a better option. He kept putting pressure on her until she later brought three names; they gave it to the pastor. He picked one name and the father approved of it, she ended up laughing at her father because she gave them 3 different names of her fiancé. How come the prophet didn’t notice they were the same?
You can go to your pastor for counsel but not to pick for you. Some churches encourage the pastor picking but I repeat most of the marriages are based on what the pastor said and not what they know about each other. So it’s easier to blame the pastor when problem arises.
5. Age factor
Especially for ladies, when their age starts clicking on 25 and above, they start feeling like they are too old and might not end up with a good person. Some people are in that category for various reasons. If you have lost count of men you have dated, then you didn’t live rightly. Men sometimes think it’s cool to flirt all around and settle down at 30 so they mostly end up with a woman with troubles. You would reap what you have sown in other ladies.
Don’t be in a hurry to get married. Live your life with a vision but don’t ignore marriage over career also.
6. Physical enticement
Getting married to a person because of their beauty or physical endowments is like buying an electronic fully packaged with a carton expecting not to remove the content later on. It’s not about the beauty because beauty fades. So many people admire beautiful wedding pictures without the knowledge of the couples and how they understand their new adventure.
Don’t marry a woman for her hot legs and face. Don’t marry a man because of his sexy abs and smooth face. It won’t last. An inner beauty is what is required not the physical beauty.
Some people marry for beauty so as to showcase a beautiful partner when necessary especially celebrities.
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7. Mistaking Lust for Love
Some people get married due to an uncontrollable feeling in their bowels. They feel they can’t survive without their partner.
Love is not a feeling; it’s not a spark et al. It is a decision, a choice to stick with a person with their imperfections through thick and thin.
Don’t get married because you dreamt that you were fetching water together or because she was massaging your body. Be realistic!
8. Peer Pressure and Loneliness
People get married because their friends are already getting married or because they have been forcing them to settle down and join the married men/women association.
Don’t get married because you were the best lady/man of all your friends and you are the only one left. Its not how far but how well.
Don’t settle down because you feel lonely and crave for companionship. Learn to be happy with yourself not just in the arms of another.
You can be married and still feel alone. I call it “Separation in Togetherness”.
9. Revenge and Selfishness
Some people get married to get back on their ex or friends. Simply because you had a break up and you meet someone who is all ready for marriage, you end up getting married to prove to your ex that you didn’t lose out.
Don’t get married to secure your selfish act.
A woman who had no vag*na from her birth pushed a man to marry her only for him to discover she had no entry. That’s wickedness of the highest order!
So many kinds of issues like this happens. Don’t hook a person down, its wickedness.
That marriage would mostly suffer from bitterness and unforgiveness.
10. For Pregnancy sake
The fact that a woman is pregnant for you out of a mistake doesn’t mean you should jump into marriage. Ladies, you ended up getting pregnant and you know he doesn’t care about you or the baby, then face your life and procure a better future for yourself and the baby. Some ladies try to hook men down with their pregnancy and later end up regretting in the marriage.
Marriage is an institution where you won’t graduate. It is an ever learning school. Love is essential but not enough to keep the marriage working. It requires the commitment from the both sides.
You agree or not? Let me know.
By Adenike Adedokun